2 new, and one disappeared...

As everyone knows I have been a roommate to Auni and Puppy for a long time and was really surprised when the humans brought new roomies into our little clique. Their names are Ahmet and Moon. They seemed ok but I was a little worried that they would be messy or trouble makers. They have been living with us for a few Weeks now and they are the greatest! Holy shit they are fun and playful! Now they have become my bestest friends ever. There are even times we get into trouble with the humans daily and I love it! Well the mommy human had become a grumpy person but I guess we all figured out how grumpy she can get. I decided to show Ahmet how to climb on the bed. It had been a while since I had done it and I really didn't think the mommy human would mind but Holy Fuck she lost it. She started to yell and the daddy human took us down and said something in his human language that I didn't understand but Ahmet and Moon did. They spoke human! They said that the daddy human said that the mommy human doesn't want the babies on the bed anymore because she wants us to learn that the bed is a no-no. WTF? We have been aloud to climb on and off of everything but now she is telling us we cant climb on the bed, why??? Ahmet said that the daddy human said it was because a baby human is going to be here soon and that it is not a good idea to let us climb all over the baby human. Why not and what is a fucking baby human? Ahmet said a baby human is really little like us but it looks like the mommy and daddy human and that the baby human can not be played with like the mommy and daddy humans. Ahmet is very smart! He also said that the baby human is why the mommy human is such a fucking bitch! LOL he called her a fucking bitch! I had to laugh but Ahmet was being serious. Oh well she is getting fat too that fucking bitch! Ahmet said its not funny and that the mommy human was not getting fat she is getting big because the baby human is growing inside of her. Well I don't care she doesn't have to be a fucking butch and I will climb an the fucking bed when ever I want! It is in my room and I can do it all I want! But she just makes me get down anyways...damn stupid bitch.
Well we have had tried to encounter and see Morris the Mean but lately he has been MIA. We haven't heard him for days. I finally mastered the humans door mountain and got to get a quick glimpse of what I thought was him but I can not prove it. Ahmet said he over-heard one of the humans say that Morris the Mean was dead! What??? Dead??? No fucking way! We never even got to really see him let alone have a battle. I wonder what happened? Maybe Miss Cocaine, our pet cat, killed him for us but she would have said something or at least fucking bragged about it over her breakfast. No one knows but I think we have a new problem...Ahmet said he heard the human named Kory say she had a new pet named Voo Doo. WTF is a Voo Doo? All we have seen is Miss Cocaine's new boyfriend. She calls him sweetie but I think he is the Voo Doo everyone is talking about. He is a nice enough guy but rather boring and has no entertainment value what so ever. I tried playing tag with him and he just ran outta the fucking room like someone just grabbed his ass or something. What a moron. Anyways that's all for now and I will let you know when the new baby human gets here. I am a little afraid because the mommy human has now stopped us from getting on the bed and who knows what she will fucking do next...that bitch!

The humans are retarded...

I am so disturbed by our humans. They moved back into their room when the human visitors finally left and they have not really left the room since. The human they call mommy has been really moody and mean to everyone even the human they call daddy. I was up on the bed with her the other night and I smelled something very weird, not nasty just weird. I know this smell and it was strange because I don't smell it often. The smell tells other mammals to stay away because "I am with pups". I think the mommy human is pregnant. So I asked Auni to check it out since she is a female ferret and see if I am right. When Auni got off the bed she yelled "Yep, the mommy human is going to have pups!" Oh shit I thought. I was just getting use to the little humans they call Jared and Kory, those two are fucking weird in their own way. I think they are the mommies last human pups she had but I think she should have eaten the boy after it was born because he has some real issues and the girl she needs a human boyfriend or something because she is already old in ferret years. I hope to fuck the human mommy doesn't have a litter of 4 or 5 more human pups because they can be mean and I hate my fucking tail pulled. She has been so mean to the other humans and sometimes to us animals too. She is a bitch but you know what I guess you would be too if you knew you were having a litter of human pups again. It must be painful because those human pups are fucking huge!
Well anyways I did another Morris the mean hunt and I finally got over the fortress wall without being detected. I got as far as the furniture forest down the long wide path and that is where I felt like I was being watched. I couldn't see a fucking thing around the large wooden cavern cover and I tried to peek inside but there was this low, deep growling noise that I could hear was about 5 or 6 feet away from me but I was so scared I ran the other way. I finally saw the humans all gathered around the big light thing that has moving things on it. They called it a TV but I call it confusing and it gives me a headache. Then I was spotted. Damn that fucking human daddy. He talks to me like I am an idiot,"What do you think you are doing out of your room?" I just want to tell him to leave me the fuck alone because I am on a mission to find the Evil Morris the Mean and you are blocking my mission bitch! But when I try it only comes out as, "sniff, sniff, grrr, sniff, sniff." I can't speak human but if I did that human would have been bitch smacked by now!

The cat has amazed me.

So I was running around the house late last night and found out that Coke has a private toilet in the bathroom. I have to share with others and that spoiled bitch gets her own box...grrr! I swear that cat has got some special powers over the humans. Anyways, she was doing her prowling and stuff and was watching me very closely. I think she is schizophrenic with paranoid delusions because all of a sudden she jumped like three feet off the ground and ran out the door. I was laughing so hard I used her box before I lost it on the bathroom floor. So I was watching for her return and the humans were loving me and my other roomers when all of a sudden Coke flew up and bounced off the door and landed on the bed. The humans thought someone threw her through the door when in fact she was being tortured and chased by Morris the Mean. We have never seen Morris the Mean but we have heard stories. He is said to be the evilest cat to roam this humans house and we are not allowed to venture any further than our private walled fortress. Even Coke tries to stay in our fortress with us during the day because she is so afraid of him. We have had several meetings and have decided that we will eventually have to try and see this Morris the Mean. I even climbed up on the mountain where the humans keep the sun and looked beyond the gate and have never even caught a glimpse but I will continue to keep searching for him because I need to see what everyone is so afraid of.

there's a ferret born everyday...i think

So there is a ferret born every day and I happened to be born on such a day. I really do not know when I was born because every day is new and I wake up as if it was the first day of my life. So my roommates Auni and Puppy are rather a grumpy pair. Puppy is only a little older than I but he acts like the world is going to end..what a fucking religious fanatic, and Auni is way way older and she can barely see her food in front of her and is always so depressed. I can't stand trying to play with either of them so I opt to deal with someone even meaner and uglier than I...our friend Cocaine. See Cocaine, or as our humans call her "Coke", is this albino bitch who moved in a while back, ummmm I think...cant remember when but she is a mean woman I tell you, but she is fun to fuck with.
I love it when she is laying so quietly on the bed and then for no reason I just have to crawl up the bed under the blankets and start teasing the shit out of her. OMG!!!! To see her run around and get pissed off because she can't catch me is like watching a famous actor pissing off his obsessed fan...lmfao! She is so stupid too. I don't think she even knows what fun and play is because she always has her butt-fur in a bunch. I warned her that if she did not start lightening up that she was going to go nutters and guessing from the way she acts before bedtime (climbing walls and meowing at nothing in a corner) I think she has lost it.
So I was runnin' around the room last night, I think it was night, never know anymore...and all of a sudden I was picked up off the floor and my human started to cuss the shit out of me...it was like "blah, blah, blah you fucking blah, blah, blah what are you fucking thinking you fucking rat!" What? Rat? Who in the fuck are you you fucking human? Do you not know that I am a ferret and not a fucking rat? Well from what I got from observing the humans actions that some thing from the wall was...ummm...lets say accidentally removed...and ummm the big shiny on that big mountain up there was...ummm lets say no longer working! He he he...that human kept screaming about how all of it's work was gone and they had to start all over because they forgot to save or something, IDK...it was not my fault because they were saying it was the rat...btw I have never seen a rat here but who knows.
Lessons to the humans...never trust a rat and never underestimate the powers of a ferret...lol!